Why do I not answer directly on Facebook?

Sometimes I find a question or a statement that triggers a feeling that urges me to make an answer in Facebook and immediately I start writing down an answer as a comment. I make it quick to be able to catch the impression that has come. But... if I find the subject interesting and worth commenting I also want others to understand what I mean, which can be difficult on Facebook. The text gets longer and longer and then it no more fits into Fb. 

We live in different mental bubbles.

Even if the text belongs to a group with "the same interest" all people live in different worlds with different ways of thinking (different mental bubbles) and our associations come from different educations, different memories, different cultures and different levels of consciousness. 

If you want another person to understand what you mean you will first have to lead that person to the space where you are (and then the other person has to lead you to her place) but that is not possible on Facebook where people  usually just attack each others opinions, starting from quite different mental places. We can say that Facebook triggers a behaviour that is the opposite of the behaviour that we can learn from the use of the Talking Stick. Answer quickly without listening too much!

Anyway... I start writing down my answer to catch the thougt (the concept) quickly and after a while, when I have written down 20 cm of text I hesitate, because now the subject starts opening up and more information and associations are coming. The writing turns my brain into a contemplation mode and I get into a flow that opens up the world behind the question. The associations come and I want to catch them all because they are like a big puzzle where no little peace should be missing.

Now my ascendent in Virgo starts living up and Virgo is the sign, the goddess of analytics, so now I start analyzing all my associations to check their validity. Then I get into contact with something that we can call "the spirit of the subject" and as long as the energy, the spirit, is there I can keep the flow and now the writing gets speedy till the energy is over (the spirit is gone). 

Now the text has become far too long to fit into a little comments box in fb, so I delete it and I put it on a document in my laptop. And then...either I forget about it or I put the text on a blog, which is a much better place for a long text. 

Then I get a comment from a friend, who says that the text is too long!!!

But for me blogs are much better places to put texts than just storing them in the pc and eventually never finding them again. 

It is tempting to start engaging in a discussion on fb, but such discussions are never real discussions about anything  - they usually tend to be just throwing around empty words. A word is not empty for the person who has thrown it away because it reflects his "inner puzzle", but for other people, who do not know anything about his mental and emotional background his words become empty. Another person´s words are empty to us before we have filled them with our own opinions and associations. But my understanding of your words might not at all be reflecting what you really mean!

Instincts activated

All this means that fb is a perfect place to turn people against each other. Everyone wants to be understood and if others misunderstand what you say you will feel misunderstood and the next thing is that you get sad and then it turns into anger. And the fight starts.

A fighting situation, even if only mental, triggers the lower brain and the fight-flight-impulses with cortisol and dopamin etc. and this takes over the brain in a way that the higher functions stop working. They are just cut off.

But this also means energy!!! The liver sends glucose to the brain and you will get a kick. This kick can, of course, be energizing so that you feel that you get energy and you feel bright and strong and smart and your thought process goes in full speed. But it also tells you thet you are in a fight that you have to win. The glucose is the speed sugar for attack, defense and survival.

Some people have made this into a sport. They either search for questions that they can easily attack or they constantly put out statements that they know are provocative. They know that others will be triggered to answer and then they get the desired fight that gives them the feeling of being a clever, intellectual debater who is seen and admired by the public. 

Many other people, who don´t know this, might do the mistake of answering with quite a good opinion, which immediately gets knocked down. This seems to have made Fb into something that is often quite boring as a lot of intelligent people have stopped saying what they really think, because they are tired of being always misunderstood.

Facebook - friends, war and nonsense.

But the method of the Talking Stick, that everyone should express himself to be understood by the others, is not possible here, because it would require too much writing and it would also require one person talking and twenty others just listening. So Fb is more like a cocktail party where you just float around and say: "How lovely you are"..."How sweet you look"..."My heart is with you".... "Have you seen my kittens"....

But.... many people have got tired of this polite nonsense so more and more groups are being formed to deal with real issues and at least here people have the same interest. But it does not always mean that people understand each others points of view. Because, as I said in the beginning, people are very much  different. 

In a religious sekt the leader wants the whole group to be in unison, to mentally, emotionally and spiritually sing the same kind melody. The group becomes like an entity with one spirit. 

In some Fb-groups you are not allowed to say "the wrong thing". You will immediately get attacked, which can be frustrating for new people who do not yet know what is being allowed. 

Most of us think that we should have free speach and that everyone has the right to express his own opinion. In the same time we attack each others opinions calling them wrong. Actually this is the meaning of a discussion, that two people should be handling the same question from two different points of view, where one acts as the prosecutor and the other one is the attorney of the defense. The prosecutor works with cutting the statement into pieces, i.e. destroying it and proving it to be wrong, while the attorney has to prove that the statement is right and valid. The word discuss comes from Latin discutere, which means to cut apart (to destroy).

That is also a valid way of handling a concept bacause our inner judge might be interested in knowing if the statement is true or fake and the best way can be to let it be attacked to see if it survives. 

Discussion

I have heard that French people like discussions, that they like to let different opinions meet to see what will come out of it. I have got an impression that people from many countries are in that way and maybe it is mainly the Latin languages that give people the interest in debating everything loudly, as they know the meaning of the word discuss. When I came to Italy I first believed that people were really angry with each other when they were screaming about something. But as I understood what they said I found that they were "just talking". The shouting, screaming and waving with arms and hands was just someting normal for them. 

The Swede wants peace not war.

So it is not in Sweden!  Here rules the opposite! But normally we seem to have missed the point.

If you have the opposite opinion about something you will have to be very careful, because if you say it the other person might be offended. He will not be willing to start an interesting discussion, knowing that it is a fight between concepts. He will feel personally attacked (because he identifies with his opinion) and experience the eventual start of a fight between persons. A mental war is sailing up!!!! Horrible!!! Stop it! Run away!

The typical Swede is very much afraid of conflicts and if he just senses the minimum of "opposite opinions" in the air he will get afraid and then he will avoid the conflict by not answering or maybe even just walking away. He will presume that a mental war is approaching and we want peace, don´t we? On Fb this kind of person turns silent while the more aggressive ones get noticed, and it is here that we can notice our tendency to feel personally attacked from "another point of view". Small wars brake out everywhere and people call each other names instead of discussing the subject. Instead of even asking what you mean! 

Use a Talking Stick!

Peace is not created by avoiding everything, it is created by looking into the conflicts to see what they are made up from - before they grow too big. When conflicts start growing in the darkness they will often continue to grow until they get released with a sudden burst of energy. 

I would gladly take part in such a little mental war in reality, but it should be performed with a Talking Stick being sent around, as this method takes down the anger and promotes the understanding of different opinions. The Talking Stick, used in the right way, lowers the talking speed and prevents a conflict from collecting more hidden energy. It leads everyone into a more listening and receptive mood. 

That´s why!

That´s why I often answer by writing on the blog instead of writing directly on Facebook.
The text will also remain on it´s place so that I can use it again, putting it on also another place.