Teach children to use the Talking Stick!

The purpose of the Talking Stick is to teach us to listen to the person who is saying something and then even to listen to what is behind this talking. What feeling, what kind of experience is behind the words?

Children would love to make their own Talking Sticks,
using their own creativity and fantasy.

The main message that comes with the Talking Stick is not that we should get better in talking to make our point of view better explained. That method also exists and could be worth learning, but it is another story.

The purpose of the Talking Stick is to teach us to listen to the person who is saying something and then even to listen to what is behind this talking. What feeling, what kind of experience is behind the words? The Talking Person has to show the real need or wish that is behind the words.

In our western culture we are not really used to this way of listening and the Indian Talking Stick has come to us to teach us the two fundamental parts of a talk: to be authentic (to ”speak from your heart”) and to listen till you have fully understood the other person´s point of view.

The use of a stick is a good idea because when you have been in such a talking circle a couple of times you will remember the process and when you later get into a conflict with someone the idea of using the stick will pop up in your mind. Holding sucjh a stick will then remind you of sharing your experience and not just your opinion. If you have never been in such a circle the idea of this kind of conflict resolving will not come to your mind.

According to the Indian Medicine Wheel our thinking, our intellect is in the north, which is of the element wind, and emotions are in the south, the place of water. The basic is, according to Swiftdeer and others, to use the intellect mainly as a receiving station for information and the emotions mainly as a giving station. If we quickly give out what we feel, and if we are allowed to, negative feelings do not have the chance to build up till they become explosive and destructive.
It just means that for a communication to work well we have to listen (till we understand) and when we speak it is (especially in a conflict) good to explain the emotional experience that is connected to it.

The Talking Stick is a good way of learning both to express feelings and to listen to other people.

Everything that we have learned as small children becomes deeply roooted in our subconscious mind so it feels natural. Those who talk about ”creating peace on earth” could give a thought to the possibility to teach the use of the Talking Stick to all our small children. Those who had learned this skill would be able to solve some conflicts all by themselves, even at a low age.

Childrens´ Talking Circle with a Talking Stick